Boy..just need to vent somewhere..anywhere. So obviously the first place I think of is this. *PS don't mind the rambling, just beat up the wall, and trying to forget alot of things*

I dunno what's got me so down. Mainly I hate my life. It's a worthless piece of shit. I mean, I think my life would kick ass if I was an amputee or something. Loose an arm or leg, how awesome would that be? Then again, I think I want to change my life around completely. It's like a Quarter Life Crisis. I really want to get the fuck out of Joplin..go somwhere, do something. I just have nothing good here for me. Well, one thing max.

ON TO THE REASON I'M DEPRESSED!

Sagan. Plain and Simple. Started...dating or something about one and half months ago. It was great...she was over a few times a week, we hung out, the works. Enjoyed every minute of it. Then her previous boyfriend, the one that got shipped to Rehab for being a douchebag drug attict...was on his way home in like 1 week from the time. So she still cared for him, and since he was visiting HER down here from CO, she didn't want to just leave him alone. So she decided to put things on hold with me..and go date/what the fuck ever with him until he returned home 1-2 monthes later. Well during that time, I had a nice discussion in my head. Forget all about Sagan...and continue with another lady...or continue with Sagan! Really, I regret my decision alot now. I chose the "Continue with Sagan" bit. Really..ever since then, I've talked to her...maybe 5 minutes a day, after I get off work, I call her, she's asleep, returns to sleep. I see her maybe 5 minutes (that's max mind you) a week. Boy let me tell you, that's a great feeling when the woman you are infatuated with feels it's more important to cruise Main then to see you...it's just amazing how depressed one gets.

So next paragraph...what I want to do...die! Or something. I havn't relieved any of this stress bullshit for a good while now..so it's bottled up to where I don't have any idea what my mind WANTS to do. I want to scream..can't, in an appartment complex, roomate sleeping. Want to beat the shit out of something. I've got that one down..granted, no hole in the wall..we have enough of those around here. I want to tell her to fuck off, go screw some other guy, and just drop off the face of the Earth. Then I want to ask her, what's going on...figure things out, work on them. But with Katie..I already know working on them doesn't work. And that's what I know is going to happen...another Katie. She's going to dwindle me around until she finds a much more attractive/more $$$ man, then leave me like yesterdays trash. That's how it's going to be. She goes on about how she's so "In love with me" which is total shit. Lemme tell ya, when you love someone, you REALLY want to see them for 5 minutes, then leave to go to a party.

Fuck the swelling in my hand is already going away...worthless..didn't even break any skin.

I guess I could write another one of my piece of trash poems, or a worthless story that will suck horribly, because I have not a creative bone in my body.

I guess I could just go through the things I have from when Katie and I were together. I've been wanting to do that alot recently. I don't really understand as to why..just an urge. Maybe remember the times when I actually liked my life..when things were going great....when someone actually loved me..and I returned that favor. Boy I'm just going to sap this shit up, so I might as well end it now. Goodbye me...and whoever else could have POSSIBLY stumbled upon this in their random endevours.